We get fleeting glimpses of her fiancé, Dustin, picking up the slack when she doesn't have the energy, sometimes judging her parenting choices (like store-bought baby food) and trying to get O'Connell into bed. I found myself wishing, however, that she had broadened her focus a bit. She certainly succeeds in an offering an unflinching look at how one woman, with some pre-existing anxiety, coped with upheaval and postpartum depression. Whether you think she went too far in the opposite direction will probably depend on your own experience. I got the sense that O'Connell wrote this book partly as an antidote to the oversweetened tales of motherhood she had read, where labor pains and lactation became a kind of transcendental meditation. The next five chapters cover the struggles of maintaining a relationship while parenting a new baby: lack of sleep, the inconvenience of breast-feeding, anxiety about dangers to the baby, loss of sexual desire and changes to careers and friendships. The birth itself is 43 pages of sometimes graphic detail as O'Connell rapidly abandons her ideas about a “natural,” unmedicated experience. It's an effective device, since this is a book about motherhood, not what leads up to it. The next 41-and-a-half weeks are told in a series of vignettes of only a few paragraphs, as O'Connell wrestles with her anxiety about her changing body, potential (never-realized) problems with the baby and what others expect of her as she prepares for delivery. They briefly debate an abortion, but O'Connell puts her foot down: She wants this baby. The book starts with a slip-up by O'Connell and her fiancé, resulting in an unexpected pregnancy. This is a memoir, with all the strengths and weaknesses of the genre. That is not to say it isn't worth reading, but if you're seeking self-help, look elsewhere. If anything, O'Connell's book, “And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready,” could be read as a guide to what not to do when dealing with postpartum depression and the stresses of a new baby. She's just not the friend who can tell you what to do about it. "And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready" by Meaghan O'Connell (Little, Brown and Company, 240 pages, in stores)Īs she portrays herself in her book, Meaghan O'Connell is the sort of friend who can remind you that you're not the only one who feels overwhelmed and lost when, on paper, it looks like you should be happy.
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